Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
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