big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
