My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
