so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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