My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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