This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
