I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize