If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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