Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
