Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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