I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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