Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
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