The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Randomize
