On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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