everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
