The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
