Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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