She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
