I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
He better not be in your backpack
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
