I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
