I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
