Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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