Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
