He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
the condom got lost in my hair
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
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