Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
