thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
