Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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