I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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