Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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