you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
