Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
