My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
