Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Randomize
