do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Randomize