she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
