I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
