I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
