I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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