I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
