I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
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