God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Someone shattered a urinal.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
