Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
