I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
