A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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