after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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