I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
