Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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