Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Randomize
