Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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