they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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