i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
