I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
