My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
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