Is it normal to miss your booty call?
i would punch a child for taco bell
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
My dick has a subreddit
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
