By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
