Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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