Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
