You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Randomize