would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
