Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
