oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Randomize
