I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
