That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
