just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
