Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
