I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
