i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
