I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
