I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
