he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
